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My Philosophy

I spent the first decade of my career working with survivors of sexual trauma. Some of my first clients were victims of violent crimes. Some, commercial sex workers. Some were children. All of them entered my life because they had had something I considered beautiful, joyful and sacred- SEX- weaponized against them. Those early experiences made me who I am and have greatly influenced the work I do in my practice today.

My mission is first and foremost, is to help my clients build positive, happy, healthy relationships with their bodies, their partners, and themselves. I want them to see that sex and intimacy can be a positive force for good in their lives. That is what brings me to work every. single. day.
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So how do I do that? What’s my approach to therapy? My philosophy is grounded in these guiding principles:

I Believe That...

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  • Pleasure, intimacy, and connection are valid needs to have and to ethically pursue.
  • People are entitled to define their sexuality on their own terms.
  • No one should be judged or shamed for their sexual desires.
  • We each have a moral and ethical obligation to seek out ethical, consensual, ways to express our desires.
  • Honest, accurate, and comprehensive sex education is a human right, and necessary to give folks the knowledge and tools they need to have fulfilling, healthy, happy relationships.
  • Most people are sexual beings and want to have meaningful sex lives with partners they trust, care about, and choose. This is true regardless of their gender, survivor status, disability, culture or faith tradition.
  • Likewise, folks who are asexual or sex averse are valid and entitled to respect.
  • People should have agency and freedom in their sexual decision making- including when, with whom, and under what conditions they have sex. This includes sex work.
  • Sexuality and intimacy are sacred gifts, and that sexual expression does not contradict religious belief.
  • Each and every human being is born exactly as they are meant to be and that no one has the right to force change upon another simply because they disagree.

I Do NOT Believe That...

  • Everyone must have sex to be whole and healthy human beings.
  • I have the right, or the skill, to change someone’s sexual or gender identity.
  • Sex has to be kinky, non-monogamous, or pansexual in order to be good sex.
  • Kink, non-monogamy, or pansexuality are signs of mental illness.
  • Accepting someone’s sexuality means engaging in it with them, either visually, verbally, or physically
  • Sex is ALWAYS positive, healthy, and good. Sex can and is used in harmful ways.
  • Sex is a cure-all.
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Copyright © 2015
  • Stefani
    • My Philosophy
    • My Writing
    • Consulting & Supervision
    • Conferences & Presentations
    • The Securing Sexuality Podcast
  • Services
    • Better Sex Strategies
    • Individual Counseling
    • Couples & Partners Counseling
    • Premarital Counseling
    • Transitions/Divorce
  • Specialties
    • Gender Affirming Care
    • Kink Affirming Practice
    • Alternative Relationships
    • Faith Affirming Sex Therapy
  • In the News
  • FAQ
  • The Securing Sexuality Podcast
  • The Foundation
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Bookshop