"If you find yourself wanting to share important news — a promotion, a health scare, etc — with someone other than your primary partner, you need to pause and reflect," Shaffer-Pond says. "What is it about this other person that makes you want to seek them out first? Have you created a relationship with them that has supplanted your spouse/primary partner, even if it hasn't become physical? What emotional need is being filled by this secondary relationship that you're not getting from your spouse? When someone else other than our spouse [or] partner becomes our first thought in times of joy or sorrow, you are at high risk of committing emotional infidelity."
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