"We tend to stick with general questions such as 'what turns you on?' when we first form a new sexual relationship," licensed master social worker and sex therapist Stefani Shaffer-Pond tells Bustle. "This is such a broad question that it tends to elicit surface level responses such as 'I like candlelight' or 'I really enjoy oral sex.' To be honest? I don't know many people who dislike candlelight. Try probing further: Ask your partner 'what kind of porn do you like to watch?' or 'what was the last image you came to?'" The more specific you can get, the more you'll understand what turns your partner on. If either of you isn't quite sure what you're into, Saffer-Pond suggests taking a workshop or class together.
Don't hold back on asking any new partner these questions. If you're not comfortable discussing these topics with them, perhaps you're not comfortable having sex with them at all. And the more intimate the conversations you have, the more intimacy you'll experience in the bedroom. It's a win-win for everyone.
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5 Questions To Ask Every New Sexual Partner For The Best Sex Possible