“I don’t consider [love languages] to be an evidence-based practice, but I do find it to be a very useful tool and use it in all of my work with couples,” says Stefani Goerlich, a Detroit-based psychotherapist. “I have found that 8 times out of 10, whatever the issues are that my client-couples bring to the table, they are rooted in a fundamental misalignment in how each partner gives and receives love.”
“By taking tests such as these with your partner, you learn so much about what you might have in common but have been too afraid to talk about,” says Goerlich, whose clients often say they feel embarrassed or ashamed of what they want to do sexually.
"Here’s the thing: the process for getting naked with someone dosn’t vary much between in-person and sext. The key is to slow down, take time to get to know one another as people first, and to build trust BEFORE you drop your pants."
"Our natural inclination when we see another person in pain is to reach out and try and help. But it’s important to recognize the limits of what one can do, when talking to someone online. Mental health professionals spend a great deal of time learning how to properly assess the risk of self-harm, how to deescalate these situations, and how to proactively intervene for those most at risk."
"...for the most part, the people asking me “Is my kink okay?” aren’t engaged in these types of activities. They’re simply people who are unsure of what counts as “healthy” sexuality. People who have been raised with limited sexual education or with a high degree of sexual shame. They’re Lyft drivers and attorneys, stay-at-home parents and fitness trainers, students and retirees. They’re average, every day, people…who happen to be into some statistically less-than-average sexual practices. So, how do we know if someone’s kink is okay?"