"Are they imagining a specific scenario? Are they concentrating on the physical sensations they’re experiencing? Are they thinking about you? Knowing where their brain goes when they’re having solo sex can be a great bit of insight for you to have when you’re having sex together too,”
“We don’t wear leather and latex. We can’t afford all the fancy equipment. And we wouldn’t ever want to go to a public dungeon, even if we did know how to find one! Does that mean we’re doing something wrong? Are we bad at BDSM?”
"Working through relationship desires that seem to be mutually exclusive can be fraught and challenging—but it is possible! For some, simply being able to acknowledge their orientation, without ever acting on it, is sufficient. They no longer feel compelled to live a life of secrecy, code-switching with their partners and living in fear of being outed as something other than what they were perceived to be. For others, however, this is not enough."
"For the penetrated partner, this position allows them to control the pace, speed, and depth of the penetration, which can be great for people who might have anxiety around sex or simply be really particular about what works best for them,"
“Be as gentle with yourself as you would with anyone else who has just experienced a traumatic event... Slow, acclimatizing, experiences are better than jumping into the deep end and being unprepared for how you may respond"
"Often, when my clients bring up the topic of exploring “alternative” relationship models, they feel as if they are stepping out into an uncharted world that few have dared to brave before. They don’t realize that non-monogamy was the norm for most of human history."
“Don’t assume that your relationship has to be bad in order to benefit from therapy,” says Goerlich. “I work with lots of couples who want to focus on a goal like improving communication, co-parenting effectively, and improving their sex lives. If you feel as if your relationship could be stronger, you’re a candidate for therapy.”